Can’t wait but watch the dark knight. Must say not a love at first sight cause’ I was kinda losing the ability of being focused. The film was incredibly long to me at first and I really doubted whether I had the patience to finish it at once. Then came the turning point the joker said the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. Suddenly felt like the film was like an old flame. When the joker blew off the hospital I was damned sure that inside everybody’s there was a dark side. We were evil. The blowing scene aroused people’s intrinsic sense of destruction. We were not sorry for the poor building, actually we went high. For what? I didn’t know. It was an ecstasy. I was not exaggerating. The dark knight was anti-culture, anti-fucking-everyone-first-expectation. It was dark and I loved it to death. Rules were only flimsy excuses for people to show their worry, their fear and their weakness. Behind those so-called rules are those self-esteemed i-think-I-know-everything or i-think-I-can-handle-it. The fact was they indulged in the delusion that they didn’t fail. The truth presented itself. Who were you fooling with? Yourself. Oh, yeah. The joker won.  

My friend told me she lost her cellphone. Is this a big deal? It is a big deal, a great deal. If she couldn’t get her info on SIM back, she gonna be in big trouble. The thing is not the cell itself cause’ being stolen or being accidentally lost is a good excuse to buy a new one. Human beings do like to keep up with the fashion trend. No wonder a 90-year-old would wear a bikini at the mercy of the shocking faces and unbelievable eyes. Unless you are in a financial crisis, well, it still won’t stop you from buying a new one. Really tempting, huh. The fact is all the information stored in your SIM card. That’s really important. You are no maths genius, so don’t expect to remember all the numbers you ever typed in. so face it, you lost all your contact. What are you gonna do? Don’t worry about it. You got your msn, just tell the whole world that you lost your cell to win some sentimental girls’ sympathy and declare your new cell number. Done. That’s the miracle of the technology. Or can i say that we are pathetic cause’ we gonna live under the parade of the rest of the world. We have no privacy at all. Check those Hollywood superstars. You think they got everything. Yeah, they got everything except their freedom. They are paid to put on a puppy show. When they are over the hill, who gonna pity them. They will only hug with their so-called legacy or died of OD. We lock ourselves in the city jungle and forget to find a plan B before we get murdered by the freedom of disclosure.

I was always asked: do u believe this? In a normal sense, I would say yes. Usually I received a mixed reaction cause’ the one asking me was seeking for a no. The underling meaning of this question was that the guy thought something was a lie and he was only desperate for my support to prove he was right. Actually I am surprised by myself. I am not much of a believer. But I choose to believe. Why? Maybe I am dumb or numb or both. Like I always believe that everybody could be an Oscar winner. Everybody is good at putting on a show to fool the whole world. The distorted expression on their face is a good cover for their ever-lost self. At the moment they pick pieces up and try to make up. But their animal instinct disobeys their suffering souls. So they pull off the show and hate themselves for this deceit. And that’s the reason how they win the sympathy cause’ people mistake their dilemma to sincere depression. How disgusting and how genius. As long as they are happy, we are cool.

When u fucking anticipated something to happen (sorry for the f word) and it didn’t cause’ of some fucking ridiculous reasons (or they were not ridiculous at all, just the first party was fucking pissed off), what would u do? Non-stop pissed off and won’t let it go or have a plan B. Let’s put things in a bright side, it turns out that plan B is the thing u always want to do, but u always find an easy excuse to avoid it like I don’t have enough time or it’s a waste of time. It seems plan A is the things u popped out at the spur of the moment. Yeah, good point, we always do things on impulse or the so-called intuition while the things we always want to do are put aside cause’ we persuade ourselves that finally we will have a day to do that. The question is when the exact day will come or whether the day will come or not. Once a senior told me that when she is retired, she would glass up all the history books. I was thinking why didn’t she start right now? how do u know you are still alive at that time? Sorry, I didn’t mean to. If u have things in mind, don’t hesitate, just do it, of course the bad things excluded. Don’t wait, don’t even presume u have the time to wait. U’d never know what will happen the next moment. U could be choked to death by a piece of healthy whole wheat bread. U could be drowned to death by your bathtub. U could be hit by a bike and killed by the cement……………… sorry again for my relentless big mouth, just hope my point is taken.

There is some kind of people, always trying to find more in life. To take or to give, whatever. They are not selfish people or you can say they might be altruistic. They expect some spices to make things more exciting. They are the agitators, but not the organizers cause’ they agitate others to organize. So when something goes wrong, they will never take the blame. Bad but clever. Oh, I prefer smart. But how come they always get supporters. There is some other kind of people. They never have the brain to brew the ideas or they have the brain to pop up dumb-ass thoughts. So once someone has the brain and charm, they are enchanted and enthralled. They are taken. What a perfect match—an finite majority and an infinite majority. Well, it is easy to machine out some infamous names. Don’t make it wrong. It’s not a purposeful intention to talk behind those dead or living souls (do they have a soul, a big question mark). That’s not bad guys’ scar face marks. It could be anyone, anyone,underscored.

Physical pain is not always a pain in the ass. Some people like to be got burned by the cigarette head. Some people are willing to be the long-time victims of domestic violence. How come? It makes the victims feel that a sense of belonging and they like to be dominated. That’s one explanation. Ohh, my god. That is sick. Yeah, and remember, somebody lives on that. It may sound hilarious to some people that physical pain can get one’s adrenalin flowing and make one really emotionally excited. Don’t say it’s psycho. Just like the case happened to those hostages, we also have a term for it: Stockholm syndrome. The hostage fell in love with one of the four bank robbers and got engaged with him. How extraordinary. Every unbelievable thing does not happen in the movie cause’ human imagination can never beyond the wonderful things in the real life. Human imagination is only molecule speed while real life is quantum speed. Why you try to race with something you can never reach, you want more. You keep running and leave all your burdens behind. You know the result but you enjoying the race cause’ you feel you are not a dummy at all. You are real. Don’t ever doubt something unbelievable. It could happen on you or anyone else.

the memory of summer always connected with watermelon. can't image the days without watermelon. but to most people, what beyond tolerance is the days without air conditioner. summer is always hot and sweet. once upon a time, watermelon was put in the well to cool down. papa was always bullshitting how good he was to pick up yammy watermelon. the highly-anticipated fruit usually tasted like water. of course papa was so eager to clear up his innocence and blame all the fault to the fruit vendor. although the watermelon was in an arrested development, it  tasted like summer. now the anticipation was gone, the long wait for it to cool down was gone, the natural taste would never come back. watermelon is still my favourite. but now it is only a summertime accessory. my stomach itches for it, my memory goes shortcut.

the Taiphoon season is coming. when i was a kid, i always like to run in the thunderstorm. the street was empty, the traffic is horning. my screaming was drowned in the hiccup of the earth. the speed accelerated, the heartbeat was pounding. i just couldn't stop. adventure could be simple. when people getting old, they try to plan an adventure, which turns out to be a big disappointment cause' it is too purposeful, too manmade. the abuse of  the Internet makes everything possible done. if u want to have a holiday, just click, u can book your air ticket, hotel, even your escort will dress up and show up in your hotel on time. you plan for everything you expect, that's good. but where is all the fun going? the process of finding fun always intrigues me. now it is gone. suppose, you do nothing. you arrive in the railway station, get the last ticket left, rush to the train, finally get yourself settled. when you get to your destination, u buy yourself a map and start the hunt. after a whole day's tiredness, find yourself a cosy and cheap hotel. endure the smell of long-time unoccupidness and have a hot shower. the water temperature alternates to show its subtle temper. you are pissed off and write your misfortune in your blog to win sympahy, more to let your readers share your little torture metality. how interesting. life is to explore, then you will find more fun.

Always try to figure out why the local call the Indian Yingdu A san. People have this strange inclination. The more they want to know, the more they keep it to themselves. Just like a demonstration to test the patience and curiosity. I finally today, bothered to google. there is quite a history to trace back. Really being proud of myself right now cause’ I was always the one to fall asleep at history lessons. Guess one can’t stop the aging process. during the colonial days in Shanghai, the Indian went to Shanghai to make a living. Most of them worked in the French Concession as traffic and patrol watch. Their social status was lower to western and Chinese watch, ranking the third. That was one explanation. The other one is, they always speak: I say, I say. The pronunciation is close to A san. But it seems the local like neither the past or the present Indian. Pride or prejudice, maybe? I am not sure. Sometimes the freedom of speech always makes you into an awkward situation. If you say to the public, you don’t like fat ass, then it is fat-ass discrimination. So we don’t say we do not like the Indian. We just claim that we and the Indian have some differences in the value system. Then someone challenges you: more specific. You curse the silly guy secretly: damn, how should I know. But you respond politely and elegantly：man, I am out of your league. If we are together, you don’t ask. You just get it. So don’t waste my time, get lost. Sometimes, explanation will complicate things. So shut up or eat shit.

I always thought that menopause was a privilege for women. A privilege, huh, no offense. Just find yourself a good excuse to get mad for no cause. Others would shed their compassionate eyes to you. Oh, forget about it, that poor thing. She was through menopause. Inevitable. Honey, we will always get your back.  Whatever, something like that. Obviously I was wrong cause’ men have andropause, a medical term for female menopause. It seems that men and women still share many secret inequality in this world, but being deprived of this patent might really pissed the feminists off. How come this happened. It is so unfair. I did a bitch thing, I googled the symptoms of andropause. i mean emotional symptoms, of course. Guess almost the same. So what will happen to a couple to come into a fight when both of them are in their so-called emotional shitty moment? That would be an interesting research to be conducted. Being bitchy for the first time, shame on you; the second time, shame on me. Anyway, the take-for-granted feelings were gone. A little lost, for the lost of the honored privilege.

can't believe what messed up with me today. i wore flip-flops like anyone else, but one of which kinda broke. so i had to walk home with nothing on  my foot. i had to grow intimacy with the luke-warm ground. that was ridiculous, as i thought at first place. but then, i kinda enjoyed this intimacy. cause' i've never done that before, no, that's not the reason. the ground was dirty, of course. but it was so substantial, so concrete, so alive. yes, it is not dead. i felt its breath, its vulgar surface and its vitality. suddenly, i felt pathetic about myself, about everyone living in the city, equipped ourselves with the benenfit of modern technology. felt so sure about what we want. took granted for granted. live for the sake of the state of living. we are breaking the balance of the nature. and we know it, we still let it be. my solo protest against the trend is stupid but worth trying. a moment encounter with primitivity is a demonstration or a pleasure. a pleasure, i think.

what a beautiful morning, just couldn't wait to embrace the sun. hope the winter is forever over. i seem to always have a good mood. i just don't get why most people have a lot of things to worry about. relax, don't be that tense. life is beautiful and, short. don't waste time to stress yourself out of wrinkles. sometimes you need to let it be. it's not because of the nature's law, it's man's limitation. of course i don't doubt the existence of super human beings. to ordinary people, you should like what you are. don't make too much effort to change yourself if that's not you, but an image or a statue. it's really hard to live the other's life, most terrible, this the other is beyond the boundary of  an ordinary people. so, what we do. we cherish, we appreciate, we savor the beauty of those illusions and finally we wait and wait, see them collapse and take a deep breath. how good to be alive and how good to be yourself.

Since when i found myself had nothing to write about. i always have this kind of weird experience. recently my horizon has been expanded

but i have nothing to write about. so finally i figured it out. i mentally refuse to leave a trace. why i become so fussy? self-protection. human

brains are really wonderful things. when they nose some imminent or lurking dangers, they block and freeze. so i am the first direct victim.

i am a numb ass. the irony is i enjoy my seclusion. i don't know or i refuse to admit. who cares as long as i keep to be a numb ass.

    

     Things get easier if you are mentally challenged. it's not difficult to let others know your shinning past and your brilliance if you mind. it's

 happy to become another self who is only loyal to yourself and to anyone else.